I know it's a little early to wrap up the year.  But I just kinda feel like it. Don't know why. I blame my hormones. Will resume to blogging when I get a new laptop. Am using my sister's one at the moment. Its as slow as hell. Pentium 3. Joy. Can't uploads pics for shits. Feel my pain? Anyways, I have to say that this year wasn't a total bliss for me. Sure there were some parts that were happy. Life has its ups and downs. Well that's what everyone says. no? Maybe this year treated me a little unfair. I feel as if I faced more downs than ups this year. It might be just me. Or I don't know. Who's to say? 
To those of you who actually bothered to read my grandmother rants Thank you. Your attention is much appreciated. And you should know me inside out now. Judge me. i don't give a damn. I'm have a relatively this epidermis. So screw you. 
The worst part for me this year was that my daddy left me.  I was strong. I'm proud to say that I was the only one that didn't cry during the funeral. I seemed pretty okay for the first few weeks. Macho-ness? I tried to lie to myself. I still am as a matter of fact. I still can't face death. Mention the word "your dad" and I'll be crying like a bitch. My weakness; and now you know.
I've grown in many ways this year, (sideways as well! Gosh!) I've learnt to be matured. Not more matured. Just matured. Cos' I was never matured. I am quite aware of the fact that I'm not fully matured. or anywhere close to that. Yet? I have a long way to go. I've done stupid things. Am doing stupid things. 
It's not that I don't know the right thing to do. The rational thing to do. But knowing and executing is definitely two awfully different things. And I'm human. or less than that?  God knows. I say the wrong things at the wrong time. I do the wrong things at the wrong time I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I’ll always do. I get hurt. I crash and burn. I fall to pieces. And I'm still picking the pieces of me up. Gluing them together is another matter. 
People say, your past makes you what you are today. And my past is hell ugly. I've turn into a conniving, ugly, cruel, manipulative bitch. I'm so full of vengeance. To specific people that is. 
Otherwise, I'm like an elf; Santa's little helper. 
A prance-y leprechaun carrying pots of gold going over the rainbow. A pixie, smiling; giggling right back at you. Elmo, full of love and friendly and hyper as hell. Sometimes I try to erase the bad side of life. I try to avoid it. I'm like using an eraser to erase Sharpies. And the paper is tearing. Joy. I suck at metaphors. Shoot me! 
Last but not least (typical-nye) I would like to thank my friends and family in helped me pull through this year. 
The one who sees through me; Shinyee, Jinyang, Kelvin, Alex, Nicholas Hah, Hsienwei, Sam, Shawn, Jemy, Aaron, Andrew. dan lain-lain. I'm bad at names so screw me. You know who you are lah, kan? I love all of you heaps. 
Those who made me crash and burn. I love you too! You guys made me realise that I should never wear my heart on my sleeve, but I'm still gonna. I guess. Cause I believe in rainbows and unicorns. And the prince on a white horse with a shinning armor. Fairytales brainwashed me when i was a kid. Screwed me up now as a teen. And you'll have to love me for who I am. Not who you want me to be. That way you won't be loving Cheong Carmen, now would you? 
Yes, I'm a crazy bitch. No one is crazy and/or bitchy enough to earn that epic title. 
P/s: I'm gonna miss all of you. Gosh, college life. Coming soon/not so soon actually in May. Heaps of love, kisses and suffocating hugs
xo, Carmen Cheong. | 
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